All I ever wanted to do, was to find the one. To get out there and find out who I was meant to be with. I had my own standards, fortunately not those of the general world's. I could have any one I wanted, so long as she wanted me. I was like Hal, in Shallow Hal, only there were plenty of others who could see the beauty in the ones I wanted, and there was no beautiful next door neighbor who wanted me.
So when I saw her, I knew. I wanted to be with her, any length of time would be enough, and yet would never satisfy. I want to be with her still. She saved my life, I saved hers. She hurt me and I hurt her, but we both healed together. And all was as it felt was meant to be. So why not marry, her, that was all I ever wanted. Not a girl that every guy would always drool after, but a girl that I would. I didn't go and find the girl I could be with, I found the girl I could not be without. And so, like a fool, I married her.
It was the best and worst thing I could do. Now everyone suddenly understood. It was like a neon sign proclaiming what I have tried to make them understand for so long. I love this girl, and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. It was the worst thing because when you risk it all, sometimes you lose. I lost. I lost it all. I lost the love of my life, I lost my life. I lost everything I ever held dear. My home, my comfort, my sleep, my life, MY WIFE!
And how did I lose it? I don't know, I made mistakes, don't get me wrong, but I don't know what tipped the scales. What made me so repulsive that she could no longer stand to be with me, that she now instead feared for her life. The one I was and am still willing to slit my own throat before seeing harm come to her from anyone else, let alone myself, was now afraid that I would hurt her.
Then I got the news, there was no chance for us, divorice was the only way. Maybe in another life we could get back together, but not in this one. I still hope. Then I got the news, you raped a girl, despite being hours and hours away at the time. You and your little brother, number 2 on you list of those to protect from all harm, somehow raped a girl and never knew of it. Which leads to the question which now drives me, drives me to insanity. Are women scum, or am I?